Garden Variety Poor Bastards and True Poor Bastards alike must face the awful reality that the weekend is over and for the next five days they will be at the mercy of some ingrate they call "the boss", or in the case of the True Poor Bastard, it could mean confronting personal and/or professional misery which is entirely of their own doing.
It's hard to imagine what a guy like Charlie Sheen must be doing about now? While millions of Garden Variety Poor Bastards trudge off to toil away at some meaningless job for the next five days ol' Charlie is probably sleeping fitfully as the remnants of a three day coke buzz are racing through his brain (or what's left of it).
How's a guy with Adonis DNA and tiger's blood coursing through his veins going to manage with only a single star-struck bimbo hanging around the house to satisfy his titanic craving for T & A?
These are the kinds of issues that a True Poor Bastard like Charlie Sheen has to wrestle with while the rest of us Rank & File Poor Bastards head off to the rock pile to grind out another $500 or $600 paycheck, if we are lucky!
Many have asked why the Grand Poo Ba likes to pick on Charlie Sheen....
The answer is really quite simple and it speaks to the larger issue of what are the defining characteristics of a True Poor Bastard? ...And if anyone in history ever qualified for the honor of being the poster boy for the True Poor Bastard, it would have to be Charlie Sheen!
Let's consider the "facts" as they have been reported to us in the idol-worshiping, pop-culture mass media we call television news.
Prior to his most recent series of public melts down, Charlie was a minimally talented TV and movie actor who just happened to be the star of a hit TV show. Not just any show either, but a show that was paying him a reported salary package of $26,000,000 a year!
That's TWENTY-SIX MILLION DOLLARS for those of you not familiar with dollar amounts that involve seven digits; and that's PER YEAR, for all of you Poor Bastard's who are used to earning a typical median income of $40,000 or $50,000 a year.
So Charlie, in spite of his debatable talent as an actor, had somehow managed to maneuver into a gig which comes with a half million dollar a week paycheck, in return for starring in a half hour weekly TV show that probably doesn't require him to work more than 7 or 8 months out of the year, at most!
Life would seem to be moving along nicely for Charlie at first glance...Let's review:
-A couple of 21 year old, live-in, porn star girlfriends prancing around his trendy digs somewhere in the Hollywood Hills;
-A couple of million a month rolling in to keep him in cigarettes, cocaine and beer;
-And all he has to do to keep this adult playground running is show and do a lousy 30 minute TV show 26 times a year; keep his big fat mouth SHUT; and keep his sordid personal life to himself!....
What could be simpler?
Of course the average Poor Bastard would be all over this deal like the ass on a baboon but what does Charlie do...?
He goes and screws things up to such an extent that he is FIRED from his $26,000,000 (TWENTY-SIX MILLION DOLLAR) a year job!
THAT'S what he does!
And that alone would clearly qualify him as a True Poor Bastard!
But if that wasn't bad enough, the Poor Bastard then goes on a public tirade about how unfairly he has been treated and what an injustice it is for a guy with "Adonis DNA" and "tiger's blood" in his veins (Charlie's words, not mine), to be subjected to the humiliating indignity of being fired from his own TV show...
And he doesn't stop there....
When the camera lights dim and he sobers up long enough to achieve a brief moment of clarity, he realizes that he really has been fired; and the bright lights of Hollywood are finished shining on him.
So what does he do...?
He launches a live show and goes ON TOUR!.....Like he is some sort of rock star or something! That's what he does!
For the love of Money!.....Could it possibly get any worse?
Exactly what kind show it is, I have no idea. And I doubt seriously that Charlie knows. Unless he was smart enough and humble enough to have figured out that Americans will show up in droves to watch him make a complete fool out of himself in front of a live audience.
After all, one of the tenants of the Poor Bastard's Creed has always been, "Misery Loves Company."
So at the end of the day Charlie has blown a $26,000,000 a year job (TWENTY-SIX MILLION DOLLAR).....repeatedly made a fool out of himself through his drug and alcohol fueled public tirades....and for all practical purposes become a professional and personal embarrassment for both himself and his family.
If and when Charlie ever does wake up from this extended nightmare and get a grip on himself long enough to realize what he has done, he will undoubtedly find himself sitting on a toilet one morning, hacking down a Pall Mall; shaking his head and mumbling to himself...
"Charlie, what the F-k have you done?......you are Truly a Poor Bastard!"
One of his first stops on "THE TOUR" was in Detroit, where he commenced to insult the locals (it may just be the biggest POOR BASTARD CITY in America) with remarks about crime and race and literally calling them "losers" from the stage.
ReplyDeleteAs they began to boo and walk out, he kept yelling insults at them. This PB has one paying gig. ONE LAST CHANCE to make a living on his celebrity and he can't seem to chase them away fast enough.
Poor Bastard.