The AFP news agency (a European version of the Associated Press) is reporting that a 31 year-old New Zealand native has died during a flight from Singapore to the New Zealand city where the Unfortunate Poor Bastard had lived.
Witnesses said the man had been watching an in-flight movie and appeared to be laughing, when in fact he was apparently choking to death. Passengers seated close by said the Poor Bastard's lips began to turn purple as a doctor and two nurses who were on-board the plane attempted render aid....According to reports filed by the New Zealand Herald the incident occurred 90 minutes into the 11 hour flight.
After the Unfortunate Poor Bastard was pronounced dead his body was moved to a curtained off crew area where his girlfriend and traveling companion, Vanessa Preechakul, was allowed to sit with him for the duration of the flight!....
......Huh?
The airline announced afterward that passengers "sitting nearby" would be offered a discount on future travel, but declined to specify the amount of the discount...Later reports indicated that the inconvenienced Poor Bastard passengers were given vouchers worth $100 New Zealand dollars...or approximately $84USD!
Meanwhile, in other news around and about the Kingdom of the Poor Bastard...across the Pond the Reuters news agency is reporting that a recently released study has found that 40% of all European Poor Bastards are mentally ill, making mental disorders "Europe's largest health care challenge of the 21st century..." according to the study's authors.....
Leading the Grand Poo Ba to conclude that if 40% of the population of Europe is mentally ill, then the high percentage of mental cases among the Poor Bastards in the good 'ol United States Congress shouldn't be considered that alarming in the total scheme of things!
Monday, September 5, 2011
Saturday, September 3, 2011
Hang 'Em High Rick Perry Emerges As Leading Presidential Contender...
After years of abuse at the hands of what Mark Twain called the only "distinctly native American criminal class....." in The Kingdom of the Poor Bastard (i.e. Congress); it appears that Poor Bastards throughout the realm have finally had enough!
The Associated Press is reporting that the Congressional Quarterly-Roll Call - which keeps track of such things - has indicated federal lawmakers attended at least 150 fewer town hall meetings over the summer of 2011 than in past years, due to "organized, often raucous confrontations at political events" within their home districts....
Of course followers of The Poor Bastard's Gazette know full well that many of the malingering, criminal misfits we call political leaders are simply too busy out chasing porn stars, whores and strippers, or hustling gay sex partners in airport bathrooms, to be able to bother with attending a face to face meeting with their constituents....
And the Degenerate Poor Bastards who aren't out chasing whores and strippers and gay sex partners are most likely sitting in front of a mirror snapping pictures of their congressional wiener so they can share the love with all of their friends and admirers on Facebook, Tweeter and Craigslist!
Meanwhile back at the ranch while nobody was tending the store, we find that something called the "Tea Party" has hijacked the U.S. Congress and in the process destroyed any sense of rational discourse within the political dialogue of The Kingdom!
And with the 2012 Presidential election just over a year away, Poor Bastards throughout the realm recently awoke to learn that the Great State of Texas is once again planning to dump its political garbage on the rest of The Kingdom in the form of current Governor Good-Hair Rick Perry.....
Texas Governor and republican party presidential contender Big Rick Perry is seen here demonstrating how he likes to deal with unruly crowds at town hall meetings...
Although a late-comer to the republican party's efforts to unseat Barack Obla-bla-bama, Big Rick, with his oil-soaked war chest, is now reportedly the front-runner for the GOP nomination, in what appears to be shaping up as a rerun of the meteoric rise of the last Lone Star Gubernatorial Embarrassment in the form of Boy George Bush who, like Big Rick was swept onto The Kingdom's political stage with the help of several hundred million dollars of his Texas cronies filthy lucre...
Big Rick, who has admitted that his idea of fun during his college days at Texas Tech, was setting off M-80 firecrackers under the toilet where his frat buddies were parked for their morning constitutional, is also reported to enjoy going out for a morning jog packing a six-shooter and a can of hairspray to help manage his carefully sculpted coiffure.....
Praise The Lord and Pass The Ammunition....it's going to be quite a ride!
The Associated Press is reporting that the Congressional Quarterly-Roll Call - which keeps track of such things - has indicated federal lawmakers attended at least 150 fewer town hall meetings over the summer of 2011 than in past years, due to "organized, often raucous confrontations at political events" within their home districts....
Of course followers of The Poor Bastard's Gazette know full well that many of the malingering, criminal misfits we call political leaders are simply too busy out chasing porn stars, whores and strippers, or hustling gay sex partners in airport bathrooms, to be able to bother with attending a face to face meeting with their constituents....
And the Degenerate Poor Bastards who aren't out chasing whores and strippers and gay sex partners are most likely sitting in front of a mirror snapping pictures of their congressional wiener so they can share the love with all of their friends and admirers on Facebook, Tweeter and Craigslist!
Meanwhile back at the ranch while nobody was tending the store, we find that something called the "Tea Party" has hijacked the U.S. Congress and in the process destroyed any sense of rational discourse within the political dialogue of The Kingdom!
And with the 2012 Presidential election just over a year away, Poor Bastards throughout the realm recently awoke to learn that the Great State of Texas is once again planning to dump its political garbage on the rest of The Kingdom in the form of current Governor Good-Hair Rick Perry.....
Although a late-comer to the republican party's efforts to unseat Barack Obla-bla-bama, Big Rick, with his oil-soaked war chest, is now reportedly the front-runner for the GOP nomination, in what appears to be shaping up as a rerun of the meteoric rise of the last Lone Star Gubernatorial Embarrassment in the form of Boy George Bush who, like Big Rick was swept onto The Kingdom's political stage with the help of several hundred million dollars of his Texas cronies filthy lucre...
Big Rick, who has admitted that his idea of fun during his college days at Texas Tech, was setting off M-80 firecrackers under the toilet where his frat buddies were parked for their morning constitutional, is also reported to enjoy going out for a morning jog packing a six-shooter and a can of hairspray to help manage his carefully sculpted coiffure.....
Praise The Lord and Pass The Ammunition....it's going to be quite a ride!
Sunday, August 28, 2011
Kingdom Unravels While The Grand Poo Ba Is Away.....
While the Grand Poo Ba was away attending to some pressing personal business it seems all hell has broken loose in the Kingdom of the Poor Bastard!
No sooner do we get the news that an earthquake has rattled the unflappable jowls of Washington DC, Inc....home to the only native criminal class of Poor Bastard known to man, in the form of the U.S. Congress; but before the dust had settled and the national monuments had quit shaking we learned that Hurricane Irene was bearing down on the eastern coastline of The Kingdom with some 55 million Unfortunate Poor Bastards lying directly in the storm's path!
As one-fifth of the population of The Kingdom braced for the ultimate Poor Bastard indignity of having their homes and personal lives blown away like the Little Pig who lived in a house of straw, back in the Great State of Texas the unrelenting heat wave of 2011 continues to bake our Poor Bastard Texas Brethren like a cow pie roasting in the Arizona desert!
Recent reports from Poor Bastards in the Great State confirm that temperatures continue to exceed 105 degrees throughout most of the populated regions of the Lone Star State with little relief in sight!
As Labor Day approaches, signaling the official end of what has been perhaps the longest, hottest summer on record, millions of Garden-Variety Poor Bastards throughout the realm are looking forward to autumn in the hope that they will finally be able to get that cooler full of Bud Light out of the garage and into the back of their pick-up truck where it belongs!
But perhaps the biggest news from the realm was the announcement by Texas Governor, Big Rick Perry-Hair, that he was joining the fray to become the 2012 republican nominee for President of the United States.
Big Rick, for those of you unfamiliar with Texas politics, is the Poor Bastard currently serving as the governor of the Great State of Texas; and who has the misfortune of having a coiffured pompadour hairdo and a plastic surgeon's smile that make him look like a cross between a Holy-Roller Baptist Preacher and TV game show host Chuck Woolery!
Born in Paint Creek, TX, the 61 year old Poor Bastard Politician lists his profession on Wikipedia as Military Officer, Farmer and Politician....and his religious views as Christian (evangelical).
In a 1989 interview Perry described himself as "a bit of a free spirit" during his college days at Texas Tech University where, he admits to having some "fun" with his fellow classmates by using M-80 firecrackers to "prank students using the toilet."....
Whoa there Big Rick!......We don't know what they do for fun out there in Paint Creek, TX but here on earth it would be considered pretty severe to blow the ass off of a Poor Bastard frat buddy with an M-80, while he's pondering the meaning of life during his morning constitutional!
For his laugh-a-minute sense of fun and games and his Chuck Woolery good looks, The High Council of the Fraternal Order of the Poor Bastard has decided to award Big Rick Perry-Hair with an honorary Genuine Poor Bastard title in anticipation of the tremendous entertainment potential that Perry's political career is sure to offer....
No sooner do we get the news that an earthquake has rattled the unflappable jowls of Washington DC, Inc....home to the only native criminal class of Poor Bastard known to man, in the form of the U.S. Congress; but before the dust had settled and the national monuments had quit shaking we learned that Hurricane Irene was bearing down on the eastern coastline of The Kingdom with some 55 million Unfortunate Poor Bastards lying directly in the storm's path!
As one-fifth of the population of The Kingdom braced for the ultimate Poor Bastard indignity of having their homes and personal lives blown away like the Little Pig who lived in a house of straw, back in the Great State of Texas the unrelenting heat wave of 2011 continues to bake our Poor Bastard Texas Brethren like a cow pie roasting in the Arizona desert!
Recent reports from Poor Bastards in the Great State confirm that temperatures continue to exceed 105 degrees throughout most of the populated regions of the Lone Star State with little relief in sight!
As Labor Day approaches, signaling the official end of what has been perhaps the longest, hottest summer on record, millions of Garden-Variety Poor Bastards throughout the realm are looking forward to autumn in the hope that they will finally be able to get that cooler full of Bud Light out of the garage and into the back of their pick-up truck where it belongs!
Big Rick, for those of you unfamiliar with Texas politics, is the Poor Bastard currently serving as the governor of the Great State of Texas; and who has the misfortune of having a coiffured pompadour hairdo and a plastic surgeon's smile that make him look like a cross between a Holy-Roller Baptist Preacher and TV game show host Chuck Woolery!
Born in Paint Creek, TX, the 61 year old Poor Bastard Politician lists his profession on Wikipedia as Military Officer, Farmer and Politician....and his religious views as Christian (evangelical).
In a 1989 interview Perry described himself as "a bit of a free spirit" during his college days at Texas Tech University where, he admits to having some "fun" with his fellow classmates by using M-80 firecrackers to "prank students using the toilet."....
Whoa there Big Rick!......We don't know what they do for fun out there in Paint Creek, TX but here on earth it would be considered pretty severe to blow the ass off of a Poor Bastard frat buddy with an M-80, while he's pondering the meaning of life during his morning constitutional!
For his laugh-a-minute sense of fun and games and his Chuck Woolery good looks, The High Council of the Fraternal Order of the Poor Bastard has decided to award Big Rick Perry-Hair with an honorary Genuine Poor Bastard title in anticipation of the tremendous entertainment potential that Perry's political career is sure to offer....
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
State Of Ohio May Build A Bar For State Lawmakers!
In a precedent setting move that will almost certainly start a wave of copy-cat behavior, the state of Ohio has announced that officials are debating whether they should build a bar in the basement of the statehouse!
Poor Bastard lawmakers from around the state are rallying support for the move saying it would cut down on their entertainment expenses and help prevent embarrassing incidents involving drunken Poor Bastard politicians such as the recent arrest of Ohio Rep. Robert Mecklenborg, who was picked up for drunk driving while in the company of a teenage stripper. Blood tests performed on Poor Bastard Mecklenborg showed that he was not only loaded with alcohol but Viagra as well!
Poor Bastard Robert Mecklenborg, an Ohio state representative, is seen here after his recent arrest for drunk driving. Police reports indicate the Poor Bastard was "loaded with alcohol and Viagra" after being found in the company of a young stripper...
If approved Ohio would become the first state to operate a statehouse bar. Opponents say the move would be inappropriate because schoolchildren frequent the facility for field trips and other events.
To which supporters have responded that Drunken Poor Bastards are already a fixture at state functions, where alcohol flows freely and elected officials are regularly seen staggering around as they work the room glad-handing and schmoozing with wealthy campaign donors and other Malingering Poor Bastards!...
And besides, what school-aged child in Ohio hasn't seen their own Poor Bastard parents stumbling around the house with an Old Milwaukee tall-boy clutched in their hand?
If approved the High Council of the Fraternal Order of the Poor Bastard is prepared to recognize the state of Ohio as nation's first Genuine Poor Bastard State of Affairs for its bold effort to navigate the uncharted waters of drunken statesmanship!
Poor Bastard lawmakers from around the state are rallying support for the move saying it would cut down on their entertainment expenses and help prevent embarrassing incidents involving drunken Poor Bastard politicians such as the recent arrest of Ohio Rep. Robert Mecklenborg, who was picked up for drunk driving while in the company of a teenage stripper. Blood tests performed on Poor Bastard Mecklenborg showed that he was not only loaded with alcohol but Viagra as well!
If approved Ohio would become the first state to operate a statehouse bar. Opponents say the move would be inappropriate because schoolchildren frequent the facility for field trips and other events.
To which supporters have responded that Drunken Poor Bastards are already a fixture at state functions, where alcohol flows freely and elected officials are regularly seen staggering around as they work the room glad-handing and schmoozing with wealthy campaign donors and other Malingering Poor Bastards!...
And besides, what school-aged child in Ohio hasn't seen their own Poor Bastard parents stumbling around the house with an Old Milwaukee tall-boy clutched in their hand?
If approved the High Council of the Fraternal Order of the Poor Bastard is prepared to recognize the state of Ohio as nation's first Genuine Poor Bastard State of Affairs for its bold effort to navigate the uncharted waters of drunken statesmanship!
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Poor Bastard Limerick of The Day
An anonymous reader recently contacted The Poor Bastard's Gazette suggesting that we post a Limerick of The Day as a way of providing general entertainment for Poor Bastards throughout The Kingdom.
Our concerned reader included the following diddy as a public service-
Our concerned reader included the following diddy as a public service-
There was a young lady from Norway
Who hung by her heels in the doorway
She said to her beau,
Hey, look at me, Joe!
I think that I’ve just found one more way.
Sunday, August 14, 2011
Another Political Pickle up For Grabs.....
Well, well, well.......what do we have here?
The IndyStar.com website is reporting that Phillip Hinkle, an Indiana Republican State Senator and soon to be True Poor Bastard who helped pass the state's law banning gay marriage, apparently spends his spare time there at the capital trolling the internet for gay teenage sex partners....
Not that the Grand Poo Ba spends all of his time sitting around here at the Poor Bastard World Headquarters looking for this kind of story, but when this one was brought to his attention by a faithful follower of The Poor Bastard's Gazette, the editorial staff felt it was imperative that we give equal time to Deviant Poor Bastard republicans, considering the recent rash of democratic politicians who have been caught flashing their political pickle in front of an adoring internet audience.....
Indiana Republican State Senator Phillip Hinkle and Degenerate Poor Bastard is seen here attempting to flag down a 16 year-old capital page during a session of the Indianan State Legislature....
The following excerpt from IndyStar.com provides a gruesome blow by blow description of one recent encounter that occurred after Hinkle responded to a post on the infamous website Craigslist....
The emails, sent from Hinkle’s publicly listed personal address, ask the young man for “a couple hours of your time tonight” and offer him cash up front, with a tip of up to $50 or $60 for “a really good time.”
The email exchange is in response to the Craigslist posting in which the young man — who lists his age as 20 in the ad but says he is 18 years old — says, “I need a sugga daddy.”
The young man told The Star that they met, but that he tried to leave after the man told him he was a state lawmaker. He said the lawmaker at first told him he could not leave, grabbed him in the rear, exposed himself to the young man and then later gave him an iPad, BlackBerry cellphone and $100 cash to keep quiet.
Since this story first broke on Friday of last week, fellow state lawmakers have publicly come forth encouraging the Poor Bastard to resign his post.....Indiana Gov. Mitch Daniels adding that he was "sad about it" and called it "a personal family tragedy."
Yeah Governor......I'll be the whole state of Indiana is all choked up as well!
The IndyStar.com website is reporting that Phillip Hinkle, an Indiana Republican State Senator and soon to be True Poor Bastard who helped pass the state's law banning gay marriage, apparently spends his spare time there at the capital trolling the internet for gay teenage sex partners....
Not that the Grand Poo Ba spends all of his time sitting around here at the Poor Bastard World Headquarters looking for this kind of story, but when this one was brought to his attention by a faithful follower of The Poor Bastard's Gazette, the editorial staff felt it was imperative that we give equal time to Deviant Poor Bastard republicans, considering the recent rash of democratic politicians who have been caught flashing their political pickle in front of an adoring internet audience.....
The following excerpt from IndyStar.com provides a gruesome blow by blow description of one recent encounter that occurred after Hinkle responded to a post on the infamous website Craigslist....
The emails, sent from Hinkle’s publicly listed personal address, ask the young man for “a couple hours of your time tonight” and offer him cash up front, with a tip of up to $50 or $60 for “a really good time.”
The email exchange is in response to the Craigslist posting in which the young man — who lists his age as 20 in the ad but says he is 18 years old — says, “I need a sugga daddy.”
The young man told The Star that they met, but that he tried to leave after the man told him he was a state lawmaker. He said the lawmaker at first told him he could not leave, grabbed him in the rear, exposed himself to the young man and then later gave him an iPad, BlackBerry cellphone and $100 cash to keep quiet.
Since this story first broke on Friday of last week, fellow state lawmakers have publicly come forth encouraging the Poor Bastard to resign his post.....Indiana Gov. Mitch Daniels adding that he was "sad about it" and called it "a personal family tragedy."
Yeah Governor......I'll be the whole state of Indiana is all choked up as well!
Thursday, August 11, 2011
The Wages of Sin.......
While surfing the usual websites for newsworthy Poor Bastard Tales of Woe, the Grand Poo Ba came across a story about Matt Lauer and how he is the highest paid personality on television, earning a reported $17,000,000 a year as the anchor of NBC's Today Show! The story went on to discuss other television personalities and how much money they earned for their questionable contributions to the worlds' intellectual discourse.
Notable among them, a fellow named Brian Williams who, for those Poor Bastards that haven't caught a broadcast of network television news in, oh say.......10 or 15 years, just so happens to be the anchor of the NBC Nightly News....
For all the hard work and heavy lifting he does over there at NBC, Mr. Williams earns a reported $13,000,000 a year....More money as it turns out, than Diane Sawyer, Bill O'Reilly or Anderson Cooper; all of whom are having to scrape by on paltry sums ranging from $10,000,000 to $12,000,000 a year!
Now in spite of what some readers may think, the Grand Poo Ba didn't fall off of a turnip truck yesterday.... He is well aware that in the world where these folks circulate, a cup of coffee and a cinnamon role at the hotel coffee shop can set you back forty bucks!.....
But seriously folks, who in their ever-loving mind decided that someone should be paid a MILLION DOLLARS A MONTH to host a day-time TV show during which they interview a guest who, in thee minutes or less, is supposed to explain to an audience full of Poor Bastard viewers how to tell if your third-grader has a learning disability?
...Followed by a 90 second soundbite featuring some rail-thin correspondent, with a $1,200 Park Avenue hairdo, who explains that the reason little Johnny weighs 250 lbs at 12 years of age is because his Poor Bastard parents let him eat double chubby-chucks and Frito-chili pie at every meal!
NBC Today Show host Matt Lauer is seen here toiling away at the rock pile.....hard at work earning a reported $17 MILLION a year salary...
And just who was it that decided Brian Williams should be paid THIRTEEN MILLION DOLLARS A YEAR to host a half hour news broadcast five days a week, that involves exactly 21 MINUTES of air-time after accounting for commercial breaks?
....During which Williams reads from a script that was written by some Poor Bastard in the copy room who probably earns less money in a month that Williams spends on underwear in the course of a year!
Wouldn't it be more relevant to the great mass of Poor Bastard humanity if the news media were publishing stories about how little money the average Garden-Variety Poor Bastard makes in a typical year?
If they need help with the headlines the Grand Poo Ba would even be willing to throw his oar in the water.
Just think of the possibilities....
"Texas Widow Works 8,000 Hours a Year To Support Her Three Children..."
"Chicago Teen Quits $6 An Hour McDonald's Job & Earns $500 A Day Selling Crack Cocaine!"
"California Poor Bastard Works Four Jobs To Pay For Home..."
"Poor Bastard Baby-Boomers Learn They Will Never Be Able to Afford Retirement!"
As the Iconic Poor Bastard Michael Moore once commented to Legendary Poor Bastard & former talk-show host Larry King, regarding the news media's incessant reporting on the Dow Jones Industrial Average.....
"I am sick and tired of turning on the evening news everyday, only to hear about how well the richest 1% of the population are doing...."
Notable among them, a fellow named Brian Williams who, for those Poor Bastards that haven't caught a broadcast of network television news in, oh say.......10 or 15 years, just so happens to be the anchor of the NBC Nightly News....
For all the hard work and heavy lifting he does over there at NBC, Mr. Williams earns a reported $13,000,000 a year....More money as it turns out, than Diane Sawyer, Bill O'Reilly or Anderson Cooper; all of whom are having to scrape by on paltry sums ranging from $10,000,000 to $12,000,000 a year!
Now in spite of what some readers may think, the Grand Poo Ba didn't fall off of a turnip truck yesterday.... He is well aware that in the world where these folks circulate, a cup of coffee and a cinnamon role at the hotel coffee shop can set you back forty bucks!.....
But seriously folks, who in their ever-loving mind decided that someone should be paid a MILLION DOLLARS A MONTH to host a day-time TV show during which they interview a guest who, in thee minutes or less, is supposed to explain to an audience full of Poor Bastard viewers how to tell if your third-grader has a learning disability?
...Followed by a 90 second soundbite featuring some rail-thin correspondent, with a $1,200 Park Avenue hairdo, who explains that the reason little Johnny weighs 250 lbs at 12 years of age is because his Poor Bastard parents let him eat double chubby-chucks and Frito-chili pie at every meal!
And just who was it that decided Brian Williams should be paid THIRTEEN MILLION DOLLARS A YEAR to host a half hour news broadcast five days a week, that involves exactly 21 MINUTES of air-time after accounting for commercial breaks?
....During which Williams reads from a script that was written by some Poor Bastard in the copy room who probably earns less money in a month that Williams spends on underwear in the course of a year!
Wouldn't it be more relevant to the great mass of Poor Bastard humanity if the news media were publishing stories about how little money the average Garden-Variety Poor Bastard makes in a typical year?
If they need help with the headlines the Grand Poo Ba would even be willing to throw his oar in the water.
Just think of the possibilities....
"Texas Widow Works 8,000 Hours a Year To Support Her Three Children..."
"Chicago Teen Quits $6 An Hour McDonald's Job & Earns $500 A Day Selling Crack Cocaine!"
"California Poor Bastard Works Four Jobs To Pay For Home..."
"Poor Bastard Baby-Boomers Learn They Will Never Be Able to Afford Retirement!"
As the Iconic Poor Bastard Michael Moore once commented to Legendary Poor Bastard & former talk-show host Larry King, regarding the news media's incessant reporting on the Dow Jones Industrial Average.....
"I am sick and tired of turning on the evening news everyday, only to hear about how well the richest 1% of the population are doing...."
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