Comic Relief From The Kingdom's Grifter Class...

With the 2012 Presidential campaign season only a few months away from kickoff we find the Republican party scrambling to turn up a viable Poor Bastard candidate who has an IQ higher than room temperature; while the Democrats sit quietly in the wings thinking that at least their guy can spell P-R-E-S-I-D-E-N-T....

For Garden-Variety Poor Bastards throughout The Kingdom, presidential campaigns are about as close as they ever come to the political process, due largely to the incessant TV coverage afforded this Shakespearean comedy of errors by the cable-wonderland infotainment industry.

During this run-up to the presidential election all manner of Poor Bastards are offered up as candidates, in what has become something of a modern-day human sacrifice. These Unfortunate Poor Bastards are afforded the opportunity to impress upon Poor Bastard minions throughout the realm just exactly why it is that we should choose them to be the leader of the great mass of humanity otherwise known as The Kingdom of the Poor Bastard.

As an alternative to the generally boring and inane drivel which is piped up for public consumption by the mainstream media circus during this dreadful display of hubris and embarrassing ego-mania the editorial board of The Poor Bastard's Gazette thought a little comic relief would be in order...

So the Grand Poo Ba went on a little fishing expedition to dig up a few juicy tid-bits of wit and wisdom from the exalted political class who, more often than not, grace The Kingdom of the Poor Bastard with their pontification and esteemed leadership to the point of ad nausea.

From the website www.some-guy.com-

"If you take out the killings, Washington actually has a very low crime rate" - former Washington, DC mayor Marion Barry

"Those who survived the San Francisco earthquake said, Thank God, I'm still alive. But, of course, those who died, their lives will never be the same again." - Senator Barbara Boxer (D-California)

"I cannot tell you how grateful I am - I am filled with humidity." - Gib Lewis, former speaker of the Texas House

"You can't just let nature run wild." - former Alaska governor Wally Hickel

"If we don't succeed we run the risk of failure." - former vice-president Dan Quayle

"I love California, I practically grew up in Phoenix." - former vice-president Dan Quayle

Random favorites-

"Politics is not a bad profession. If you succeed there are many rewards, if you disgrace yourself you can always write a book." - former president Ronald Reagan

"I have opinions of my own, strong opinions, but I don’t always agree with them." - former president Boy George Bush

"I love that smell of the emissions!" - Sarah Palin at a motorcycle rally in Washington, DC

''American scientific companies are cross-breeding humans and animals and coming up with mice with fully functioning human brains.'' - Tea Party whack-job Christine O'Donnell

"It sounds funny, but you need to be paying more for your health care." - newly elected Kentucky Senator and Tea Party whack-off Rand Paul

''We're on to them; we're on to this gangster government.'' - Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-Minnesota)

''The reforms we seek would bring greater competition, choice, savings and inefficiencies to our health care system.'' - president Barack Obama

"I miss being pampered." - former president Boy George Bush, reflecting on his years as president of the U.S.

And the Grand Poo Ba's personal favorites from the last two years- 

 “George W. Bush did a incredible job in the presidency, defending us from freedom..." - Texas governor Good-Hair Rick Perry

''If you don't hold us accountable, we'll do some real bad things in Washington, D.C.'' - Sen. John Ensign (R-Nevada)

Proving once again that every once in a great while the truth manages to slip out of the mouth of even the most stubborn among The Kingdom's only native criminal class...

Presidential Poor Bastard Rick Perry's Campaign May Be Close To Imploding...

Almost before it managed to get up a head of steam, Poor Bastard Rick Perry's presidential career seems to have skidded off the runway in spectacular fashion. In the 30 short days since the Grand Poo Ba began his sabbatical from the trenches of class warfare among the minions throughout The Kingdom of the Poor Bastard, Governor Good-Hair seems to have entered a self-destruct mode that would make any self-respecting Texan proud!

Presidential Poor Bastard Good-Hair Rick Perry, seen here declaring the social security system to be a "Ponzi scheme", has been back-peddling at almost every turn in the road as he finds himself having to defend one preposterous statement after another....

Note the aspiring presidential hopeful does appear to respond correctly when asked to hold up one finger...






In August Governor Good-Hair came under attack from the likes of Karl Rove, the Fat Bastard political hack from Boy George Bush's illegitimate presidential administration, when Big Rick informed the great unwashed that global warming was "a scientific theory that has not been proven and from my perspective is more and more being put into question." 

Now this comes from a Broke-Dick Poor Bastard who subsequently called on fellow Poor Bastards to "pray for rain" as a solution to the epic drought conditions which have plagued Governor Good-Hair's own state of Texas for several years with no end in sight!

Big Rick's rising star, which at one time was only eclipsed by his Texas-sized campaign war chest, could now be more aptly described as a "falling star" after the story broke over the weekend that Perry and his Poor Bastard father have maintained a family hunting camp for years which had been dubbed "Niggerhead" somewhere along the way...in what we can only assume was some sort of folksy Texas-Style Poor Bastard attempt at humor?

Governor Good-Hair responds to allegations that his family hunting camp was for years known by the name camp Niggerhead...and again demonstrates that he can count to one...








With Poor Bastards like this running for public office is it any wonder that The Kingdom of the Poor Bastard appears to be a snowball headed for hell?

Grand Poo Ba Will Be Returning Soon....

The Grand Poo Ba has been on an extended sabbatical for the last month while attending to personal and business matters in various far off locations.

The High Council of the Fraternal Order of the Poor Bastard and the editorial board at The Poor Bastard's Gazette are pleased to report that the Grand Poo Ba has returned to his post as chief cook and bottle washer at The Gazette; and will resume his duties as editor and social critic of that great American pantheon known as The Kingdom of the Poor Bastard within the next week.

During his absence numerous alleged sightings of the Grand Poo Ba were reported to the High Council by followers of the Poor Bastard's Gazette.

In an effort to set the record straight the editorial staff would like to dispel rumors that any of the following are actual pictures of the Grand Poo Ba...

There is absolutely no truth to the rumor that this is a picture of the Grand Poo Ba enjoying some R&R at Lake Havasu, AZ...

Nor is it true that this is the Grand Poo Ba attending the 2011 revival of Lilith Fair...