The Poor Bastard's Gazette is the official blog of the Fraternal Order of the Poor Bastard. Founded by the Grand Poor Bastard and his Inner Circle of Genuine Poor Bastards in the 1970's when gas was 50 cents a gallon and water was cheaper than beer.
Saturday, November 26, 2011
Poor Bastards Run Amuck at Walmart Stores Throughout The Kingdom
In a display of Genuine Poor Bastard behavior, the likes of which can only be likened to the pandemonium that occurs when free cigarettes are given away at a NASCAR event, Poor Bastards throughout The Realm have broken out in a feeding frenzy of mindless greed and avaricious at local Walmart stores throughout the Kingdom of the Poor Bastard.
In spite of the notorious displays of senseless ignorance and slavish behavior for which Black Friday has become known, this year's display is one for the record books as the reports keep coming in.
After it was reported early Friday morning that a Degenerate Poor Bastardette had pepper sprayed a crowd of Malingering Poor Bastards in a Los Angeles area Walmart, in an effort to clear the way for her to secure some form of bargain priced consumer electronics, reports started piling in from around The Kingdom as the mayhem and madness increased throughout the day...
Myrtle Beach, SC - an Unfortunate Poor Bastardette attempting to stow away her goods in the trunk of a car was shot by a robber who had approached the woman after she exited a nearby Walmart with a group of friends
Kinston, NC - off-duty police officers, working as security guards for a Walmart in Kinston, NC, had to use pepper spray to gain control of a crowd of Rowdy Poor Bastards who had assembled at a local Walmart, waiting to snatch up bargain priced electronics.
San Leandro, CA -a local man was shot outside a Walmart store during an attempted robbery after robbers confronted a group of Poor Bastards who had just emerged from the Walmart, mass quantities of cheap Chinese goods in hand...
Cave Creek, AZ - shopping was halted and a local Walmart store was evacuated after an explosive device was found in an employee break room. No doubt the result of at least one Poor Bastard employee who had simply had enough!
New York City - a group of Thieving Poor Bastard shoppers who had apparently grown tired of waiting for a Hollister's department store to open on Thursday morning decided to take matters into their own hands and proceeded to break into the store and steal large quantities of clothing.
Pandemonium breaks out as Shameless Poor Bastards scramble to secure $200 bargain-priced flat screen TV's at a Black Friday feeding frenzy...
Friday, November 25, 2011
Poor Bastardette Loses It During "Black Friday" Shopping Binge...
In what can only be described as the ultimate demonstration of Pathetic Poor Bastard behavior, a Wal-Mart shopper and No-Count Loser Poor Bastardette in the San Fernando Valley reportedly pepper sprayed a crowd of shoppers early on Black Friday, to try and keep them away from merchandise she wanted for herself!
Other Poor Bastard shoppers, undaunted by the chemical warfare, continued to battle for access to the bargain priced flat screen TV's and other cheap Chinese-made consumer goods. One witness to the incident described the pepper spray wielding woman as a "competitive shopper" and was quoted as saying,
"I don't care what they use, I'm gettin' my TV!"
Poor Bastard Shoppers from the great unwashed mass of humanity, otherwise known as the Kingdom of the Poor Bastard, are seen here scrambling for their chance to buy historically low-priced big screen TV's and other needless junk which they have been convinced they cannot live without...
Meanwhile, the assailant in the pepper spray incident remains at large after disappearing into the crowd as pandemonium broke out on the sales floor...Wal-Mart store managers were unable to confirm whether or not the Poor Bastard Perpetrator had actually managed to secure a TV for herself...
Other Poor Bastard shoppers, undaunted by the chemical warfare, continued to battle for access to the bargain priced flat screen TV's and other cheap Chinese-made consumer goods. One witness to the incident described the pepper spray wielding woman as a "competitive shopper" and was quoted as saying,
"I don't care what they use, I'm gettin' my TV!"
Poor Bastard Shoppers from the great unwashed mass of humanity, otherwise known as the Kingdom of the Poor Bastard, are seen here scrambling for their chance to buy historically low-priced big screen TV's and other needless junk which they have been convinced they cannot live without...
Meanwhile, the assailant in the pepper spray incident remains at large after disappearing into the crowd as pandemonium broke out on the sales floor...Wal-Mart store managers were unable to confirm whether or not the Poor Bastard Perpetrator had actually managed to secure a TV for herself...
Thursday, November 24, 2011
A Poor Bastard's Holiday...
The Grand Poo Ba and the High Council of the Fraternal Order of the Poor Bastard would like to wish every Poor Bastard in the Kingdom of the Poor Bastard a happy Thanksgiving holiday...
All we ask is that you try to stay out of jail; try not to be an embarrassment to the general lot of Poor Bastards and please don't set your house on fire trying to deep-fry a turkey!
And don't let the gobbler gobble on your congressional wiener!
And PLEASE keep your turkey to yourself...
All we ask is that you try to stay out of jail; try not to be an embarrassment to the general lot of Poor Bastards and please don't set your house on fire trying to deep-fry a turkey!
And don't let the gobbler gobble on your congressional wiener!
And PLEASE keep your turkey to yourself...
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
A Little Holiday Cheer From The Grand Poo Ba...
Three women who have died are standing in line waiting to speak to St.
Peter before passing through the gates of heaven. The first is a retired
store clerk, the second is a suburban soccer mom and the third woman in
line is Monica Lewinsky.
St. Peter says to the first woman,
"Confess your sins and tell me what part of your body you have used to commit these sins."
To which the woman replies,
"I confess that I have taken things that did not belong to me St.
Peter, and I used my hands to commit these sins; but I have been a good
person for many years and have accepted Jesus Christ as my savior."
St. Peter rubs his chin for a moment and then says to the woman,
"Step over to your right and wash your hands in that bowl of holy
water. You will then be absolved of your sins and may then pass through
the gates of heaven."...
The woman steps away from the front of
the line as St. Peter motions the soccer mom to step forward. St. Peter
then says to the second woman,
"Confess your sins and tell me what part of your body you have used to commit these sins."
To which the soccer mom replies,
"I confess that I have committed acts of sodomy St. Peter, and I used
my ass while committing these sins; but I have been a good person for
many years and have accepted Jesus Christ as my savior."
At which point Monica Lewinsky steps forward, shoves the soccer mom out of the way and says to St. Peter,
"Excuse me St. Peter, but can I step over there and wash my mouth out before this woman sticks her ass in that bowl of water."
Sunday, November 20, 2011
Poor Bastard's Gazette Joke of The Week...
This week's Poor Bastard Joke of The Week was submitted by a life-time member of the Fraternal Order of the Poor Bastard who hails from the Great State of Texas...
JEWISH DIVORCE
JEWISH DIVORCE
A Jewish daughter says to her mother, "I'm divorcing Irv."
All he Wants is sex, sex and more sex.
My vagina is now the size of a 50-cent piece
When it used to be the size of a nickel."
Her mother says,
"You're married to a multi-millionaire businessman,
You live in an 8 Bedroom mansion
You drive a $250,000 Ferrari,
You get $2,000 a week allowance,
You take 6 vacations a year and
You want to throw all that away...
Over 45 cents?"
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