Broke-D*ck Poor Bastard Newt Gingrich Takes A Standing Eight Count!

If you thought we were kidding when the High Council of the Fraternal Order of The Poor Bastard elevated the status of Republican presidential wanna-be Newt Gingrich to Genuine Broke-D*ck Poor Bastard, then you need to check out this amusing little story from ABC News-

http://news.yahoo.com/newt-gingrich-utah-primary-check-bounces-032418602--abc-news-politics.html

That's right folks, you heard it here first, and now it's all over the mainstream press...Newton Leroy "Newt" Gingrich (McPherson), being the Genuine Broke-D*ck Poor Bastard that he is, has bounced a $500 check that was issued to pay his filing fee for the Utah Republican primary, according to Mark Thomas, the Utah state election director!

Yes, it appears that The Newter has finally been neutered after it was announced that his campaign had bounced a $500 check that was issued to pay his filing fee for the Utah state Republican primary!...

Broke-D*ck Poor Bastard Newt Gingrich is seen here breaking into tears after being told that he won't be able to play Mormon presidential politics with fudge-packer Mitt Romney in the outback known as Utah!






Meanwhile in other news from the circus of idiots (otherwise known as the Republican presidential primary), Rick "who is that Dan Savage guy anyway?" Santorum has finally thrown in the towel on his presidential aspirations after being soundly trounced in one primary after another, as the Unflappable Poor Bastard,  fudge-packer Mitt Romney, never wavered in his promise to rid the Kingdom of The Poor Bastard of that awful stench of fresh santorum that had been wafting through the air ever since the arrogant fool and Obnoxious Poor Bastard Rick "who is that Dan Savage guy anyway?" Santorum took to the campaign trail in his quest to become The Kingdom's next exalted leader!

For those of you who haven't been following along, the sniglet* "santorum" was coined by syndicated columnist and gay rights activist Dan Savage several years ago in an attempt to bring embarrassment and public humiliation to the ultra right-wing whacko-balls ex-senator from Pennsylvania, due to his belligerent intolerance of gays and gay rights issues.

After launching a nationwide "Google-bomb" using his syndicated sex advice column as something of a bully pulpit to bring shame and embarrassment raining down upon the Doomed Poor Bastard Rick Santorum, Savage was able to successfully associate Santorum's last name with a vile mixture of anal lube and fecal matter which can apparently be a by-product of a certain sexual act.

Not to be denied his rightful place among The Kingdom's heroic figures, presidential hopeful Mitt Romney committed himself to the unpleasant task of ridding the nation of that foul stench of fresh santorum, which seems to linger in the air long after the Foul Bastard from Pennsylvania has come and gone!

Presidential hopeful and Silver-Tongued Poor Bastard "fudge-packer" Mitt Romney is seen here strapping on the heavy equipment as he sets about to clean up another smoldering pile of fresh santorum found along the campaign trail....








*Sniglet -  a word that isn't in the dictionary but should be.

Peach State Crackers Run Amuck At Savannah Gun Show As The Newter's Fiscal Disaster Continues To Grow!

The Grand Poo Ba is fresh off the campaign trail, where word of the Newter's ongoing financial woes continues to mount after this story from the Washington Post hit the wire service Saturday morning-

http://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/gingrich-health-care-think-tank-files-for-bankruptcy-protection/2012/04/05/gIQAvgy2xS_story.html?tid=pm_politics_pop

As the details begin to emerge about the Newter's latest fiscal disaster, Inquiring Poor Bastards throughout The Kingdom are already asking, "What do the word "think" and Newt Gingrich have in common"? And the answer is, apparently not a lot....at least when it comes to thinking about how in the hell your "think tank" is going to pay the damned rent!

Newton Leroy "Newt" Gingrich (McPherson) is seen here refusing to remove his royal head-wear after being told repeatedly that he is NOT going to be allowed to become the first Monarch of the Kingdom of The Poor Bastard!

Regular readers of The Poor Bastard's Gazette are already aware of Newt-what do you mean I can't be King?-Gingrich's money troubles, after it was reported in last week's post that the wanna-be King of The Poor Bastards had resorted to selling photo ops to his campaign faithful for fifty bucks a crack in an attempt to bolster the war chest for his sputtering Republican presidential campaign.

Not to be intimidated by a lack of financial firepower, the Broke-D*ck Poor Bastard Newt Gingrich and his prodigious ego continued to forge ahead in an effort to achieve what all True Poor Bastards inherently know is their goal in life....public humiliation and embarrassment due to their stifling ignorance and unabashed hubris!

Meanwhile, back in The Newter's adopted home state of Georgia, the guards have apparently let the lunatics out of the asylum once again, as this report from Atlanta Business Chronicle confirms-

http://www.bizjournals.com/atlanta/morning_call/2012/04/man-leaving-savannah-gun-show-shoots.html?ana=RSS&s=article_search

That's right, folks.  Twenty-five-year-old Poor Bastard William Penfield of Hinesville, GA reportedly shot himself in the leg after leaving a gun show in downtown Savannah, GA this past Sunday...Adding a sarcastic twist of humor to this otherwise pathetic display of Genuine Poor Bastard behavior is that this is apparently the second such incident to occur at a Savannah gun show in the last two months, after 26 year-old Rank & File Poor Bastard Charles Lake of Rincon, GA reportedly shot himself in the leg as he was leaving a gun show at the Savannah Civic Center on February 5 of 2012!

Since there is obviously no accounting for the brazen stupidity of the Poor Bastard crackers in the Peach State, we will leave this one to the local constabulary to sort out after posing the rhetorical question-

Do you think they might want to reevaluate their gun-totin' policy down there in the Peach State?