With the 2012 Presidential campaign season only a few months away from kickoff we find the Republican party scrambling to turn up a viable Poor Bastard candidate who has an IQ higher than room temperature; while the Democrats sit quietly in the wings thinking that at least their guy can spell P-R-E-S-I-D-E-N-T....
For Garden-Variety Poor Bastards throughout The Kingdom, presidential campaigns are about as close as they ever come to the political process, due largely to the incessant TV coverage afforded this Shakespearean comedy of errors by the cable-wonderland infotainment industry.
During this run-up to the presidential election all manner of Poor Bastards are offered up as candidates, in what has become something of a modern-day human sacrifice. These Unfortunate Poor Bastards are afforded the opportunity to impress upon Poor Bastard minions throughout the realm just exactly why it is that we should choose them to be the leader of the great mass of humanity otherwise known as The Kingdom of the Poor Bastard.
As an alternative to the generally boring and inane drivel which is piped up for public consumption by the mainstream media circus during this dreadful display of hubris and embarrassing ego-mania the editorial board of The Poor Bastard's Gazette thought a little comic relief would be in order...
So the Grand Poo Ba went on a little fishing expedition to dig up a few juicy tid-bits of wit and wisdom from the exalted political class who, more often than not, grace The Kingdom of the Poor Bastard with their pontification and esteemed leadership to the point of ad nausea.
From the website www.some-guy.com-
"If you take out the killings, Washington actually has a very low crime rate" - former Washington, DC mayor Marion Barry
"Those who survived the San Francisco earthquake said, Thank God, I'm still alive. But, of course, those who died, their lives will never be the same again." - Senator Barbara Boxer (D-California)
"I cannot tell you how grateful I am - I am filled with humidity." - Gib Lewis, former speaker of the Texas House
"You can't just let nature run wild." - former Alaska governor Wally Hickel
"If we don't succeed we run the risk of failure." - former vice-president Dan Quayle
"I love California, I practically grew up in Phoenix." - former vice-president Dan Quayle
Random favorites-
"Politics is not a bad profession. If you succeed there are many rewards, if you disgrace yourself you can always write a book." - former president Ronald Reagan
"I have opinions of my own, strong opinions, but I don’t always agree with them." - former president Boy George Bush
"I love that smell of the emissions!" - Sarah Palin at a motorcycle rally in Washington, DC
''American scientific companies are cross-breeding humans and animals and coming up with mice with fully functioning human brains.'' - Tea Party whack-job Christine O'Donnell
"It sounds funny, but you need to be paying more for your health care." - newly elected Kentucky Senator and Tea Party whack-off Rand Paul
''We're on to them; we're on to this gangster government.'' - Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-Minnesota)
''The reforms we seek would bring greater competition, choice, savings and inefficiencies to our health care system.'' - president Barack Obama
"I miss being pampered." - former president Boy George Bush, reflecting on his years as president of the U.S.
And the Grand Poo Ba's personal favorites from the last two years-
“George W. Bush did a incredible job in the presidency, defending us from freedom..." - Texas governor Good-Hair Rick Perry
''If you don't hold us accountable, we'll do some real bad things in Washington, D.C.'' - Sen. John Ensign (R-Nevada)
Proving once again that every once in a great while the truth manages to slip out of the mouth of even the most stubborn among The Kingdom's only native criminal class...
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