A True Poor Bastard Tale of Woe!

The general rule around here at the editorial desk of the Poor Bastard's Gazette is to try and avoid making too much fun of the Garden-Variety Poor Bastard mass of humanity when they are suffering through times of want and woe, trial and tribulation, pain and suffering or just your run-of-the-mill stroke of temporary misfortune...except in those circumstances which involve:

a) Poor Bastards from the ranks of the Hollywood Glitterati...

Degenerate Poor Bastard, CHARLIE SHEEN!

 b) Political Poor Bastards who float to the top of the Washington DC cesspool...

Congressional Wiener...ANTHONY WIENER

c) Self-Absorbed Poor Bastards from the surreal world of  overpaid, pseudo-important sports figures...

Pathetic Poor Bastard TIGER WOODS!

d) Any Poor Bastardette who has the public misfortune of having her picture taken just as she wraps her mouth around a foot-long corny dog...

Sporting Poor Bastardette MICHELE BACHMANN! ..."You go, girl!"

e) Any Poor Bastard whose misfortune is the direct result of their own ignorance and stupidity...

 

              BUTT-ROCKET BOY...a True Poor Bastard!

f) Any Poor Bastard or Poor Bastardette who is, well...just a walking, talking image of the Iconic Poor Bastard!

Reindeer Titty Party Girl and Poor Bastardette!

No Comment!

g ) And last but not least, any Egotistical Poor Bastard who is possessed with sufficient hubris to think that the rest of The Kingdom wants them to be President of the Nation of Poor Bastards and is named "RICK"...or "NEWT"...or "MITT"...or "HERMIE"...

"Aw shucks, that's just some GOOD HAIR!"

"I can smell FRESH SANTORUM..."

The King of the Kingdom of The Poor Bastard!

"I did NOT screw no white woman!"

"Somebody has to clean up that FRESH SANTORUM!"

However, there is that rare occasion when a Poor Bastard Tale of Woe just happens across the desk of the Grand Poo Ba, which is pathetic, sad and pitiful - while at the same time contains an element of basic humor - such that it cannot be ignored as potential cannon fodder by the editorial board here at the Poor Bastard's Gazette....

And today we have just such a story in the sad news concerning 56 year-old Rank & File Poor Bastard  Raymond Segura, Jr. who died yesterday after being buried in a mountain of dried pinto beans while working at the Kelley Bean Company in Brush, Colorado!

Yep! That's right folks, Poor Bastard Raymond apparently suffocated after being buried in what police and rescue workers described as a "20-foot high mound of loose pinto beans..." that weighed several tons! Despite the efforts of rescue workers, the Poor Bastard was dead by the time the workers reached him, according to Morgan County Under-Sheriff Dave Martin.

Now that, my friends, is a True Poor Bastard Tale of Woe!

http://news.yahoo.com/colorado-man-buried-under-mound-pinto-beans-dies-032345406.html