For Whom The Bell Tolls....

Various and sundry Poor Bastards from throughout the Kingdom of The Poor Bastard are waiting with bated breath for the final announcement as to exactly which K-Mart and Sear's locations will be closing their doors as part of a fiscal belt-tightening that was announced by the parent company earlier this week.

Rumors have been flying ever since the Sears Holding Corp. announced that it was closing a total of 117 Sear's and K-Mart locations as the company continues its struggle to remain profitable. As it stands it looks like the state of Florida will be the hardest hit after the company released a preliminary list of 79 locations which are scheduled for closure in the coming months.

Perhaps the news is not all that surprising for those familiar with the Poor Bastard Demographics of the Sunshine State, which aside from the Great State of Texas, is the indigenous breeding ground of more Poor Bastards per square foot than any other habitat on earth.

Aside from the general impact of the economic downturn which has plagued the Kingdom of The Poor Bastard for several years now, the Sunshine State has been hit by one of the worst real estate declines in the history of The Kingdom. 

Gripped with fear and loathing as some local markets in Florida continue to run a 75% off fire sale on cheap condos and sloppily built "cracker-shack" houses, many Sun-Roasted Poor Bastards along the Redneck Riviera and elsewhere have simply abandoned the nest and headed north to parts unknown; seeking miserable job opportunities in seemingly more prosperous environs.


As the Poor Bastard exodus and general economic malaise among residents of the Sunshine State continues, old school  retailers such as Sears and K-Mart have found it increasingly more difficult to compete with the shameless Chinese import specialists like Walmart, Sam's Club, Costco and Target.

Although Florida tops the list with eleven stores scheduled for the chopping block, the state of Georgia - in what economists believe may be something of a spillover effect - is running a strong second with six stores scheduled for closure in the nation's 13th Colony. Poor Bastards in that miserable Redneck Heaven have been seen running to catch up with the long line of fleeing relatives and fellow Poor Bastards from Florida who continue to pass through the Peach State on their way to more promising locales north of the Mason-Dixon Line.

In an effort to lift the spirits of the Poor Bastard population, Florida lawmakers decided to declare an open season on political leaders who have been largely blamed for the state's disastrous economic situation....Within weeks of the announcement this Sporting Poor Bastard accidentally shot and killed this wild hog after mistaking it for a prominent Florida republican.

Holiday Greetings From The High Council...

The High Council of the Fraternal Order of The Poor Bastard and the Grand Poo Ba would like to extend a warm Holiday Greeting to all the Poor Bastards throughout The Realm...

May the New Year bring joy and good tidings to you all.

And now as a little reminder of how good most of us actually have things in this Land of Want and Woe - otherwise known as the Kingdom of The Poor Bastard - here are a few Holiday images to remind us all of just what Poor Bastards some folks really are-

A True Poor Bastard Santa-

"Yo ho ho Merry Christmas, and peace brother..."

And under the category of Some Poor Bastards Simply Have No Shame...

Let's see, Nike hat..."Just Do It!"...

Light Beer from Miller, just "Swill It!"...

Body-hair by Godzilla..."Just Kill It!"...

Underwear by BVD..."Just Forget It!"

Christmas time in the Poor Bastard household is filled with holiday cheer and the Spirit of the Season as evidenced by this classic...

The True Poor Bastard Christmas Tree-

 In the True Poor Bastard household the Christmas celebration just doesn't get any better than this....

This Poor Bastardette certainly deserves an "A" for creativity...and maybe a sloppy, wet kiss from Santa..."come here little girl...and sit on Santa's knee..."

And just to prove once again that the Poor Bastard condition is either genetic or at the very least a by-product of upbringing, we offer this photographic evidence of how the malaise can affect even the youngest among us-