Hang 'Em High Rick Perry Emerges As Leading Presidential Contender...

After years of abuse at the hands of what Mark Twain called the only "distinctly native American criminal class....." in The Kingdom of the Poor Bastard (i.e. Congress); it appears that Poor Bastards throughout the realm have finally had enough!

The Associated Press is reporting that the Congressional Quarterly-Roll Call - which keeps track of such things - has indicated federal lawmakers attended at least 150 fewer town hall meetings over the summer of 2011 than in past years, due to "organized, often raucous confrontations at political events" within their home districts....

Of course followers of The Poor Bastard's Gazette know full well that many of the malingering, criminal misfits we call political leaders are simply too busy out chasing porn stars, whores and strippers, or hustling gay sex partners in airport bathrooms, to be able to bother with attending a face to face meeting with their constituents....
 
And the Degenerate Poor Bastards who aren't out chasing whores and strippers and gay sex partners are most likely sitting in front of a mirror snapping pictures of their congressional wiener so they can share the love with all of their friends and admirers on Facebook, Tweeter and Craigslist!

Meanwhile back at the ranch while nobody was tending the store, we find that something called the "Tea Party" has hijacked the U.S. Congress and in the process destroyed any sense of rational discourse within the political dialogue of The Kingdom!

And with the 2012 Presidential election just over a year away, Poor Bastards throughout the realm recently awoke to learn that the Great State of Texas is once again planning to dump its political garbage on the rest of The Kingdom in the form of current Governor Good-Hair Rick Perry.....

Texas Governor and republican party presidential contender Big Rick Perry is seen here demonstrating how he likes to deal with unruly crowds at town hall meetings...



Although a late-comer to the republican party's efforts to unseat Barack Obla-bla-bama, Big Rick, with his oil-soaked war chest, is now reportedly the front-runner for the GOP nomination, in what appears to be shaping up as a rerun of the meteoric rise of the last Lone Star Gubernatorial Embarrassment in the form of Boy George Bush who, like Big Rick was swept onto The Kingdom's political stage with the help of several hundred million dollars of his Texas cronies filthy lucre...

Big Rick, who has admitted that his idea of fun during his college days at Texas Tech, was setting off M-80 firecrackers under the toilet where his frat buddies were parked for their morning constitutional, is also reported to enjoy going out for a morning jog packing a six-shooter and a can of hairspray to help manage his carefully sculpted coiffure.....

Praise The Lord and Pass The Ammunition....it's going to be quite a ride!

Kingdom Unravels While The Grand Poo Ba Is Away.....

While the Grand Poo Ba was away attending to some pressing personal business it seems all hell has broken loose in the Kingdom of the Poor Bastard! 

No sooner do we get the news that an earthquake has rattled the unflappable jowls of Washington DC, Inc....home to the only native criminal class of Poor Bastard known to man, in the form of the U.S. Congress; but before the dust had settled and the national monuments had quit shaking we learned that Hurricane Irene  was bearing down on the eastern coastline of The Kingdom with some 55 million Unfortunate Poor Bastards lying directly in the storm's path!

As one-fifth of the population of The Kingdom braced for the ultimate Poor Bastard indignity of having their homes and personal lives blown away like the Little Pig who lived in a house of straw, back in the Great State of Texas the unrelenting heat wave of 2011 continues to bake our Poor Bastard Texas Brethren like a cow pie roasting in the Arizona desert!

Recent reports from Poor Bastards in the Great State confirm that temperatures continue to exceed 105 degrees throughout most of the populated regions of the Lone Star State with little relief in sight!

As Labor Day approaches, signaling the official end of what has been perhaps the longest, hottest summer on record, millions of Garden-Variety Poor Bastards throughout the realm are looking forward to autumn in the hope that they will finally be able to get that cooler full of Bud Light out of the garage and into the back of their pick-up truck where it belongs!

But perhaps the biggest news from the realm was the announcement by Texas Governor, Big Rick Perry-Hair, that he was joining the fray to become the 2012 republican nominee for President of the United States.

Big Rick, for those of you unfamiliar with Texas politics, is the Poor Bastard currently serving as the  governor of the Great State of Texas; and who has the misfortune of having a coiffured pompadour hairdo and a plastic surgeon's smile that make him look like a cross between a Holy-Roller Baptist Preacher and TV game show host Chuck Woolery!

Born in Paint Creek, TX, the 61 year old Poor Bastard Politician lists his profession on Wikipedia as Military Officer, Farmer and Politician....and his religious views as Christian (evangelical).

In a 1989 interview Perry described himself as "a bit of a free spirit" during his college days at Texas Tech University where, he admits to having some "fun" with his fellow classmates by using M-80 firecrackers to "prank students using the toilet."....

Whoa there Big Rick!......We don't know what they do for fun out there in Paint Creek, TX but here on earth it would be considered pretty severe to blow the ass off of a Poor Bastard frat buddy with an M-80, while he's pondering the meaning of life during his morning constitutional!

For his laugh-a-minute sense of fun and games and his Chuck Woolery good looks, The High Council of the Fraternal Order of the Poor Bastard has decided to award Big Rick Perry-Hair with an honorary Genuine Poor Bastard title in anticipation of the tremendous entertainment potential that Perry's political career is sure to offer....