The Good Lord Giveth...and Taketh Away....

Upon arriving at command central of the Poor Bastard World Headquarters this morning, the Grand Poo Ba  learned that the culling of the Poor Bastard Gene Pool has taken a major step forward with the untimely death of do-nothing MTV Jack-Off star, and generally Worthless Poor Bastard Ryan Dunn, early Monday morning.

According to the website TMZ.com Ryan Dunn, a Dumb-F-k Poor Bastard if ever there was one, had been seen doing shots of whiskey and guzzling beer at a West Chester, PA bar less than two hours before his Porsche 911T was involved in what West Goshen, PA police describe as a fiery, high-speed crash, which also killed Zachary Hartwell, a 30 year old Unfortunate Poor Bastard,  who had the misfortune of being a passenger in Dunn's car at the time the crash occurred!

Conflicting reports were obtained from other Poor Bastard bar patrons who had witnessed Dunn and his Poor Bastard buddies engaging in a booze-fest at Barnaby's of America in West Chester, PA, only hours before the crash.

One statement obtained from a "friend" of Dunn's claimed that the Doomed Poor Bastard had only consumed 3 Miller Lites and 3 "girly shots" in the four hour period prior to the crash....although the witness did not explain why they would have let Dunn get behind the wheel of a car if they were such good "friends" and all!

To the contrary, a second unidentified witness claimed that Dunn was "wasted" and had "had a lot to drink!"

Dunn (at left) is seen here with two of the "friends" who allowed him to get behind the wheel of a Porsche 911T - one of the fastest production automobiles ever made - after a night of boozing and guzzling "girly shots" at a Pennsylvania bar...

The remains of the Doomed Poor Bastard-Mobile are seen here being hauled away from the scene of the crash which resulted in the death of MTV Jack-Off Star Ryan Dunn and an Unfortunate Poor Bastard by the name of Zachary Hartwell, who was riding in the car...

AP wire reports from later in the day on Monday state that there was a 100 ft. long skid mark left  by Dunn's car at the point where it careened off the road and over a guard rail, before crashing into a wooded area and bursting into flames...

While the Grand Poo Ba certainly makes no claim to be any kind of forensic accident scene investigator, he has watched his share of cable-wonderland true-crime tales in which a similar fate has befallen one Poor Bastard or another.... and based on those observations, we feel it is fair to say that from the look of things, this was no garden-variety, run off the road car crash!

R.I.P: Worthless Poor Bastard Dunn & Unfortunate Poor Bastard Hartwell.....

Another one bites the dust!


Meanwhile Back at The Ranch...

Over at the Ultimate Poor Bastard  household of Mr. and Mrs. Sarah Palin we have yet another confirmation that the Poor Bastard Gene Pool is still frothing over at the brim with fresh, young Poor Bastard stock in the form of Poor Bastard In-Training Bristol Palin...

The young Poor Bastard Cadet it seems has decided that, at the ripe old age of 20, she has lived a fulfilling and interesting life, worthy of a tell-all memoir called  Afraid of Life: My Journey So Far.....

(The Grand Poo Ba can just see the unread copies of this diatribe lining up on the $2.99 shelf down at the Goodwill Outlet Store)

In the sordid expose, which is scheduled for release in the coming weeks, Palin apparently admits to being a boozing, teen-aged slacker and indiscriminate sex-pot, who spent a considerable period of time during her formative years drinking wine coolers and doing the horizontal teeny-bop with at least one fertile young Alaskan stud-buck by the name of Levi Johnston....

Poor Bastard Swinging-D-k Johnston, as you surely know by now, is the admitted sperm-donor who contributed to the breeding of Palin's 2 year-old illegitimate son and 3rd generation Poor Bastard In-Training Tripp...who will no doubt one day be christened a Poor Bastard in his own right!

Do you see a pattern here.....?

In a picture allegedly posted by Levi Johnston's under-aged sister Mercedes  (at right) on her MySpace page, a young wild-child couple alleging to be Poor Bastardette Bristol Palin and sperm donor Levi Johnston, are seen here nursing a half gallon jug of spiced rum....



...Leading Inquiring Poor Bastards to ask...."where's mommy?"

Pictured below is a rarely seen phenomenon known as an Out-Crossed, Multi-Generational Poor Bastard Gene Pool, in which at least three generations of Poor Bastard Gene Stock from the family tree of Mr. and Mrs. Sarah Palin, can be seen festering together at the same time and place....

In response to all of the misery which has befallen Levi Johnston, after getting caught up in the Sarah Palin Family Media Circus, The Huffington Post reported last month that the young Poor Bastard Swinging D-k was planning to release his own tell-all tale called My Life in Sarah Palin's Cross Hairs; with a working subtitle reported to be "And Bristol Palin's Pubic Hairs"...

To which The High Council of the Fraternal Order of the Poor Bastard offers this public service announcement for all aspiring young Buckaroo Poor Bastards....

You Got to Learn to Tarp That Load Baby.....Tarp That Load!

Drunken Poor Bastardette Amy Winehouse Booed Offstage During Alcohol-Free Tour...

Today's Poor Bastard Tale of Woe concerns the tramp-stamped and drunken Poor Bastardette Amy Winehouse...If you haven't heard of this staggering, pop-slop singer it's probably just as well...but here at The Gazette it's our job to focus the dubious limelight on egregious and degenerate behavior from all walks of life.

Amy Winehouse - shown here - whose Wikipedia bio describes her as being "...best known for her powerful contralto vocals and substance abuse and mental health issues...", had apparently just completed a stint in a London alcohol rehab when she was booed off the stage during a drunken performance on the opening night of her much publicized alcohol-free tour...






 Now none of these troubles necessarily qualify the tattooed diva for the title Poor Bastardette, but when you combine her well-publicized substance abuse struggles, with the BBC report that Winehouse was booed off the stage Saturday night, during the opening night show of her 12 date "alcohol-free" concert tour for.....

You guessed it....being too drunk to perform!

Yep, that's right....the staggering miss reportedly spent an hour and half stumbling around the stage, mumbling the lyrics more or less to herself until the audience, who had finally had enough, commenced to boo her off the stage....

Upon further investigation The Gazette has learned that the Poor Bastardette had checked herself out of London's Priory Clinic after only one week of treatment!...announcing that she planned to continue treatment on an outpatient basis; a move that would allow her to continue boozing and drugging to her heart's content while she tried to live up to the alcohol-free rule during her upcoming tour.

The Poor Bastardette, whose act would appear to be little more than another in the long line of scantily-clad young women who prance around on stage smoking cigarettes in their underwear, while showing off their tattooed good looks...in an apparent effort to demonstrate what a bad girl they really are, has been engaged in a much publicized battle with substance abuse for much of her celebrity career.

However, this latest Poor Bastard Calamity is a clear sign that things have really gone awry and that she has moved from the ranks of a mere drug and alcohol abuser to those of a Certified Poor Bastard whose judgment, for whatever reason, has degenerated to the point where she is incapable of distinguishing between behavior that is in her best interest; and behavior which is not....

Leading the Grand Poo Ba to ask the tough question, "do you think maybe it's time to reconsider the intelligence of that outpatient rehab program?"