For Whom The Bell Tolls....

Various and sundry Poor Bastards from throughout the Kingdom of The Poor Bastard are waiting with bated breath for the final announcement as to exactly which K-Mart and Sear's locations will be closing their doors as part of a fiscal belt-tightening that was announced by the parent company earlier this week.

Rumors have been flying ever since the Sears Holding Corp. announced that it was closing a total of 117 Sear's and K-Mart locations as the company continues its struggle to remain profitable. As it stands it looks like the state of Florida will be the hardest hit after the company released a preliminary list of 79 locations which are scheduled for closure in the coming months.

Perhaps the news is not all that surprising for those familiar with the Poor Bastard Demographics of the Sunshine State, which aside from the Great State of Texas, is the indigenous breeding ground of more Poor Bastards per square foot than any other habitat on earth.

Aside from the general impact of the economic downturn which has plagued the Kingdom of The Poor Bastard for several years now, the Sunshine State has been hit by one of the worst real estate declines in the history of The Kingdom. 

Gripped with fear and loathing as some local markets in Florida continue to run a 75% off fire sale on cheap condos and sloppily built "cracker-shack" houses, many Sun-Roasted Poor Bastards along the Redneck Riviera and elsewhere have simply abandoned the nest and headed north to parts unknown; seeking miserable job opportunities in seemingly more prosperous environs.


As the Poor Bastard exodus and general economic malaise among residents of the Sunshine State continues, old school  retailers such as Sears and K-Mart have found it increasingly more difficult to compete with the shameless Chinese import specialists like Walmart, Sam's Club, Costco and Target.

Although Florida tops the list with eleven stores scheduled for the chopping block, the state of Georgia - in what economists believe may be something of a spillover effect - is running a strong second with six stores scheduled for closure in the nation's 13th Colony. Poor Bastards in that miserable Redneck Heaven have been seen running to catch up with the long line of fleeing relatives and fellow Poor Bastards from Florida who continue to pass through the Peach State on their way to more promising locales north of the Mason-Dixon Line.

In an effort to lift the spirits of the Poor Bastard population, Florida lawmakers decided to declare an open season on political leaders who have been largely blamed for the state's disastrous economic situation....Within weeks of the announcement this Sporting Poor Bastard accidentally shot and killed this wild hog after mistaking it for a prominent Florida republican.