A Little Holiday Cheer From The Grand Poo Ba...

Three women who have died are standing in line waiting to speak to St. Peter before passing through the gates of heaven. The first is a retired store clerk, the second is a suburban soccer mom and the third woman in line is Monica Lewinsky.

St. Peter says to the first woman,

"Confess your sins and tell me what part of your body you have used to commit these sins."

To which the woman replies,

"I confess that I have taken things that did not belong to me St. Peter, and I used my hands to commit these sins; but I have been a good person for many years and have accepted Jesus Christ as my savior."

St. Peter rubs his chin for a moment and then says to the woman,

"Step over to your right and wash your hands in that bowl of holy water. You will then be absolved of your sins and may then pass through the gates of heaven."...

The woman steps away from the front of the line as St. Peter motions the soccer mom to step forward. St. Peter then says to the second woman,

"Confess your sins and tell me what part of your body you have used to commit these sins."

To which the soccer mom replies,

"I confess that I have committed acts of sodomy St. Peter, and I used my ass while committing these sins; but I have been a good person for many years and have accepted Jesus Christ as my savior."

At which point Monica Lewinsky steps forward, shoves the soccer mom out of the way and says to St. Peter,

"Excuse me St. Peter, but can I step over there and wash my mouth out before this woman sticks her ass in that bowl of water."