Another Sacrificial Poor Bastard is Offered Up For Slaughter...

Thing's aren't looking good for former North Carolina Senator and one-time Vice Presidential candidate John Edwards, the jet-setting philanderer and soon to be Sacrificial Poor Bastard.



It was announced today that federal prosecutors will very likely indict the former Senator on charges that he allegedly broke federal campaign finance laws by using campaign funds to cover up a steamy affair with campaign staffer Rielle Hunter which, a 'la Arnold Schwarzenegger, resulted in the birth of a love child.

Now all self-respecting Philandering Poor Bastard's know what a pesky mess things can become when a love child comes along. After all, it's one thing to chase a little Staff Tail around the office every chance you get, but a love child really throws a monkey wrench in the works. Not only do you have to feed and cloth them - which takes even more of those hard-won campaign donations - but the more you feed them the bigger they get, making it all that much harder to conceal their existence from your adoring public.

Now I know that every time this love child subject comes up all you Garden-Variety Poor Bastards are sitting around out there asking, "haven't these morons ever heard of condoms?"...

But you see, it's not as simple as it may seem when you are a rootin'-tootin' Political Poor Bastard and you suddenly find yourself staring down a piece of Staff Tail that you are just drooling to sink your teeth into (so to speak). After all you can't just send your trusty side-kick down to the Rite-Aid on the corner for a six-pack of Trojan Pleasure Plus Magnum's...and you damned sure can't be seen standing there at the counter buying them yourself!

So, what do you do?.....well it appears that Poor Bastard John Edwards just unholstered his Senatorial Privilege and fired indiscriminately at the first moving target he saw!

The Senatorial Poor Bastard was in enough of a pickle even before things degenerated to the point where a criminal indictment seems inevitable. Not only was he the favorite son of a good old classic conservative state like North Carolina, who had been caught sharing his own Senatorial Pickle with at least one staffer; but to add further misery to his Poor Bastard situation, Edward's faithful wife and mother of his children was suffering from terminal breast cancer during this sordid episode; a fact which did not bode well for the Randy Dandy from Chapel Hill.

Sadly, Mrs. Edwards succumbed to her battle with cancer in December of 2010; her estranged Poor Bastard husband having finally taken responsibility for being the sperm donor for Ms. Hunter's child only months before her passing.

Ms. Hunter, disclosed in a 2010 magazine interview that she had added her two cents worth during six-plus hours of testimony before a federal grand jury which has been looking into Edward's alleged misuse of federal campaign funds. During the interview she stated that she felt comfortable talking publicly about their relationship, and the 2-year old love child, because "Johnny went public and made a statement admitting paternity".

Hunter, who works as a videographer, also acknowledged that she had been questioned extensively about an alleged "sex tape" the couple had made during a particularly steamy session that was alleged to have occurred during Johnny's 2004 White House run.  (Hunter is seen here being interviewed by the one and only Grand-Sassy Poor Bastardette, Oprah Winfrey)

Neighbors report that Johnny has, for the most part, vanished from public view (I'll bet he has), and is no longer seen frequenting neighborhood eateries and watering holes.

Of course he didn't fail to put in an appearance at the dearly departed Mrs. Edwards' funeral last December....but then again he is a Political Poor Bastard!