Body Hair Management: Part II...Manscaping

A recent article published on the Yahoo website lists the ten most offensive grooming mistakes made by Poor Bastard  men, according to women polled on the popular social networking site Facebook. Not surprising in the least was the fact that two of the top five grooming indiscretions involved bad body hair management practices or as it has come to be known, "manscaping!"

Beginning with the most offensive, the top five list looks like this-


1) Long, dirty toe nails - of course these would be offensive to any civilized member of the human race. The fact that it needs to be mentioned that perhaps some Poor Bastard might want to clean up those gnarly toes and trim the overgrown shrapnel says a lot about how little we have progressed as a species.

2) Hair where it shouldn't be - AH HA!.....You see what I mean about this body hair management thing? And the number one complaint from women regarding bad body hair management was...

You guessed it....Those pesky nose hairs known to devotee's of the Grand Poo Ba's rantings here at The Gazette and elsewhere as Reaganomas!

3) Mouth madness - according to the article this one is "just basics" guys....you know the routine, brush those fangs and attack the crevasses between those lower  bicuspids with a piece of dental floss; or at least a piece of discarded fishing line. Nobody, including your best Poor Bastard Buddy, wants your steamy horse's breath full of toxic particulate matter blowing in their direction.....hell, that will even chase away the family dog!

4) Unattractive smells - Duuuuuh?.......If you can't pick up a stick of Gillette roll-on for men and quit bustin' the cheese in front of mixed company, then you have no one to blame but yourself for not being able to land a hot date! Your Bud Light guzzling Poor Bastard buddies may think it's funny as hell that you can raise the roof off of a castle with your flatulence, but the better half doesn't find this sort of behavior particularly attractive in a mate.

5) Eyebrow issues - you see what the Grand Poo Ba is talking about here with this body hair management thing? According to women who responded to the poll either too much or too little in the way of eyebrow hair was unacceptable. Meaning that it's not just about body hair removal....it's also about balance and proportion. And when it comes to something like eyebrows the ladies don't want to see a national forest shading those baby blues any more than they want to see a waxed eyebrow region that makes you look like the Mona Lisa dressed up like a drag queen!

The article goes on to discuss other defects in the Poor Bastard grooming regimen that will turn even the most ardent female admirers away before you get your foot in the door, but suffice it to say that the days of the hairy beast roaming the forest in search of sustenance and a mate may well be behind us!