The Man Who Would Be King Instead Becomes A Public Embarrassment For Republican Party

It seems like only yesterday that any time a right-wing, reactionary greaseball Poor Bastard crawled out from under the nearest rock and declared they were a Republican candidate for president, the cash would pour in like rainwater through the roof of a Poor Bastard's 1978 single-wide trailer; or like moonshine out of a well-hidden Poor Bastard's still; or like pictures of naked Poor Bastard congressmen on the internet; or like.....well, you get the idea!

But these days things are quite different, it seems, as evidenced by the breaking story that Royal Poor Bastard Newt - "what do you mean I can't be King?" - Gingrich has resorted to selling photo ops to his supporters as he makes his way down the fading presidential campaign trail to Never-Never Land!

Yep! That's right folks...The Newter is flat broke, out of cash!

In other words, a Genuine Broke-D*ck Poor Bastard!

The Newter, seen here reacting to the news that the High Council of the Fraternal Order of The Poor Bastard had just elevated his status to that of a Genuine Broke-D*ck Poor Bastard!









According to this story from the National Journal, The Newter really has been neutered due to a lack of campaign cash. As a result, campaign strategists are now offering supporters the opportunity to have their picture taken in the company of the Bloated Poor Bastard (who you have to admit has taken on a striking resemblance to the late Iconic Poor Bastard Ted Kennedy) for a mere fifty bucks!

http://news.yahoo.com/gingrich-begins-charging-50-photos-events-211722126.html

Yep!...Half a C-note will get you an heirloom that the patriotic Rank & Foul Poor Bastard family can proudly display on the living room wall of their new double-wide!

Now I know what all of you Inquiring Poor Bastards are probably thinking...and it's the same question the Grand Poo Ba just has to set forth for the court of public opinion to ponder...

"You mean to tell me that Newton Leroy "Newt" Gingrich (McPherson) has become so desperate for cash that he is selling his infamous mugshot for less than the cost of a couple of "Boomsticks" and a bag of cheese-doodles at a Texas Rangers baseball game?"

Hard to believe, but you just can't make this stuff up!

I know it must be heartbreaking for the dozens of supporters that The Newter no doubt has throughout the Kingdom of The Poor Bastard. But as we all know far too well, times are tough and ready cash is a hot commodity that is in short supply for many Poor Bastards...As it appears is the case with one of The Kingdom's exalted icons of pompous arrogance and vitriolic hubris......Newton Leroy "Newt" Gingrich (McPherson)!

The Newter is seen here reacting to the news that campaign staffers are having a hard time peddling photo ops with the Bloated Poor Bastard for a measly fifty bucks!

 In honor of all the hard work and sacrifice The Newter has endured in his efforts to become leader of the Kingdom of The Poor Bastard, the High Council of the Fraternal Order of The Poor Bastard has decided to name a sniglet* after Newton Leroy "Newt" Gingrich (McPherson)...This rarefied and distinguished honor means that forever more a pimple on the end of the nose - such as the one seen here - will be known to Poor Bastards throughout The Realm as a "Gingrich!"


* For those Poor Bastards who haven't been following along, a "sniglet" is the term for a word that isn't in the dictionary but should be.