Herman (Share the Love) Cain's Presidential Campaign Enters Melt Down Mode...

Although the Grand Poo Ba has been on yet another extended sabbatical for the last month, it doesn't mean he hasn't been monitoring the ongoing intrigue of numerous Elite Poor Bastards throughout the Kingdom of the Poor Bastard. Specifically, the ongoing saga of republican presidential hopeful, and truly Degenerate Poor Bastard, Herman (Share the Love) Cain...

Herman Cain's chief of staff Mark Block is seen here gagging on a cancer stick while taping a campaign ad for his boss...





Cain's campaign first gained national notoriety when his so called "chief of staff", Mark Block, appeared in a TV campaign ad choking down a cancer stick and blowing smoke in the camera person's face. Whether it was meant to portray the Poor Bastard presidential candidate and his inner circle as just part of the great unwashed mass of Garden-Variety Poor Bastards, who never got the cancer memo about smoking cigarettes...or whether there was some higher subliminal message about freedom of choice and self-determination that the rest of us Poor Bastards were supposed to get out of the ad, nobody really knows....but what we do know is that it didn't do much to derail the controversial allegations of sexual harassment which had been made by several women prior the ad appearing on TV.

Poor Bastard Cain, for his part, has done very little to stem the rising tide of discontent with his obviously boorish attitude toward women in general; and his campaign strategists certainly haven't helped by allowing Cain's lawyers to issue thinly veiled threats against any women who may come forward in the future.

"Everyman" Herman Cain sporting his signature black cowboy hat...doesn't he know that "good guys always wear white?"










To date no less than four women have come forward with allegations that the folksy, home-spun Hermie Cain, who never misses an opportunity to remind audiences that he is NOT  part of the political establishment, would nonetheless appear to be well versed in at least one of the behavioral characteristics of contemporary Poor Bastard political figures from both sides of the isle...i.e; the tendency to let their political pecker get the better of them when they feel the urge to "share the love!"

When asked about the allegations of sexual harassment Cain explained that he has approximately this much love to share...







Of course in Hermie Cain's case, the allegations have not been proven, at least not to the satisfaction of the accused Poor Bastard Malefactor, even though rumors continue to persist that several of the female accusers were paid handsome sums back in the late 1990's in exchange for agreeing to fade quietly into the background...Presumably so-as not to spoil Hermie's presidential aspirations at some future date!

Doomed presidential candidate and Genuine Poor Bastard Herman Cain is seen here mopping the sweat from his brow as the unseemly accusations against him continue to mount...

Bocephus Out To Get Big, Bad Socialists Who Are Ruining The U.S...

If ever there was ever a single moron in all The Kingdom  of the Poor Bastard who embodies the Broke-D*ck Poor Bastard  it has to be Hank Williams, Jr!  After decades of skating along on the coat-tails of his legendary father's name, in spite of his bellicose and boorish personality, ol' Bocephus has finally managed to get his boot stuck in his big, fat mouth... costing him what was very likely the best paying steady gig he has ever landed during his dreadful decades long "career" as a country & western singer.

Now before we get too far into this rant, let's stop for a moment to take a quick look at the life and times of this Broke-D*ck Poor Bastard-

Born in Shreveport, LA  (indigenous Poor Bastard country)  in 1949,  Bocephus was one of six children of the legendary C&W music pioneer Hank Williams.  After Hank Sr.'s untimely death in 1953,  the Little Poo Ba from Shreveport was raised by stage mother Audrey Williams,  who crafted the budding child star in the image of his late father...dressing him up in little Hank Williams outfits that were designed to look just like the clothes his father wore when he performed on stage at the Grand Ole Opry...

After several years of being shepherded about by mom,  Little Bo' severed ties with the old bat and set out to pursue his own musical path by hanging out with the Red, White & Blue rough and ready crowd who had come to embody southern rock/outlaw cowboy music, including the likes of Fellow Poor Bastards such as Waylon Jennings and Charlie Daniels...  

The aspiring musical career of the Poor Bastard from Shreveport was interrupted in 1975 after he decided to go on a drunken mountain climbing expedition in the Montana Rockies where he immediately proceeded to fall off the Rocky Mountains, leaving his face and half his brain plastered on the side of a cliff somewhere on the side of the mountain!

This most unfortunate mishap did lead to the prime commercial opportunity to write a book about the experience, which subsequently led to a made-for-TV melodrama starring none other than Richard ("John-Boy Walton") Thomas as the falling man...from which point on ol' Hank, Jr. / Bocephus has been able to claim yet a third legendary title...that of True Broke-D*ck Poor Bastard...

Whether he earned this notable distinction for being one of the few human beings to ever fall off the Rocky Mountains and survive...or whether it is because he had the embarrassing misfortune to have John-Boy Walton portray his incredible likeness for all the world to see, is something which is known only to The Inner Sanctum of The High Council of the Fraternal Order of the Poor Bastard...which as the Grand Poo Ba recalls it, did in fact involve an emergency session to resolve this watershed moment in American history...

Hanky-Panky's career thereafter experienced a series of highs as he became something of a pop-culture, media darling for reasons which have not yet been fully understood by scientists trying to explain the mysteries of the universe.

In recent years Bocephus has kept himself and the rest of The Kingdom of the Poor Bastard amused with his rendition of the theme song to the NFL's Monday Night Football broadcast...a song titled "Are You Ready for Some Football?"

Our rough & ready "rowdy friends" hero Hank "Bocephus" Williams, Jr. is seen here doing his  impersonation of a gay cowboy...no doubt inspired by the movie Broke Back Mountain...

In true Ultimate Poor Bastard  fashion,  Poor Bastard Bo' recently opened his big mouth and managed to get his even bigger foot stuck squarely inside the orifice, when he decided to open up to his minions and start preaching to the great unwashed about his own political views which...

"How shall we put this?"..... Leave a lot to be desired in terms of intellectual evolution.

During a recent interview on Fox Television's, "Fox & Friends" (a televised gathering of pseudo-intellectual misanthropes, misogynists, garden-variety vermin and sundry Malingering Poor Bastards) Bocephus - in a moment when the Poor Bastard from Shreveport lacked clarity of thought - chose to liken President Barack Obama and House speaker John Boehner golfing together, as being like Adolph Hitler and Benjamin Netanyahu taking to the links...

For whatever reason  Bocephus may have suddenly decided that the entire  Kingdom of the Poor Bastard  was interested in his political views, the outcome has been less than desirable for this Ultimate True, Broke-D*ck Poor Bastard, as he now finds himself without a royalty check after he and his "rowdy friends" image were summarily dismissed as the mascot of Monday Night Football!

Now apparently all of this rabble-rousing and name-calling among the Illiterati at Fox Television has got Bocephus stirred up something awful-like as the Associated Press is reporting today that Bo' and his band of merry-makers has recorded a song about his experience with Fox & Friends...no doubt while the Little Poo Ba from Shreveport was still reeling, after having lost his paying gig as chief wind-bag and honky over at Monday Night Football!

According to the AP story among the more colorful verses in the song are two jingles where the Patriotic Poor Bastard  warns that the U.S.  is "going down the drain" and says it's becoming "The United Socialist States of America." 

....Then in what would appear to be an attempt at an insult hurled against Fox, Big Bo', the Poor Bastard from Shreveport, exhorts his listeners to keep "Fox & Friends and ESPN out of your home..." 

Which of course is what all the big, bad socialists have been encouraging people to do for the last 15 years...

To end this dreadful recounting of hill-billy brain power on vacation, the High Council of the Fraternal Order of the Poor Bastard offers this one sentence of advice to the Ultimate, True Broke-D*ck Poor Bastard  from Shreveport.....

"The next time you have a thought Bocephus....don't bother!"

Comic Relief From The Kingdom's Grifter Class...

With the 2012 Presidential campaign season only a few months away from kickoff we find the Republican party scrambling to turn up a viable Poor Bastard candidate who has an IQ higher than room temperature; while the Democrats sit quietly in the wings thinking that at least their guy can spell P-R-E-S-I-D-E-N-T....

For Garden-Variety Poor Bastards throughout The Kingdom, presidential campaigns are about as close as they ever come to the political process, due largely to the incessant TV coverage afforded this Shakespearean comedy of errors by the cable-wonderland infotainment industry.

During this run-up to the presidential election all manner of Poor Bastards are offered up as candidates, in what has become something of a modern-day human sacrifice. These Unfortunate Poor Bastards are afforded the opportunity to impress upon Poor Bastard minions throughout the realm just exactly why it is that we should choose them to be the leader of the great mass of humanity otherwise known as The Kingdom of the Poor Bastard.

As an alternative to the generally boring and inane drivel which is piped up for public consumption by the mainstream media circus during this dreadful display of hubris and embarrassing ego-mania the editorial board of The Poor Bastard's Gazette thought a little comic relief would be in order...

So the Grand Poo Ba went on a little fishing expedition to dig up a few juicy tid-bits of wit and wisdom from the exalted political class who, more often than not, grace The Kingdom of the Poor Bastard with their pontification and esteemed leadership to the point of ad nausea.

From the website www.some-guy.com-

"If you take out the killings, Washington actually has a very low crime rate" - former Washington, DC mayor Marion Barry

"Those who survived the San Francisco earthquake said, Thank God, I'm still alive. But, of course, those who died, their lives will never be the same again." - Senator Barbara Boxer (D-California)

"I cannot tell you how grateful I am - I am filled with humidity." - Gib Lewis, former speaker of the Texas House

"You can't just let nature run wild." - former Alaska governor Wally Hickel

"If we don't succeed we run the risk of failure." - former vice-president Dan Quayle

"I love California, I practically grew up in Phoenix." - former vice-president Dan Quayle

Random favorites-

"Politics is not a bad profession. If you succeed there are many rewards, if you disgrace yourself you can always write a book." - former president Ronald Reagan

"I have opinions of my own, strong opinions, but I don’t always agree with them." - former president Boy George Bush

"I love that smell of the emissions!" - Sarah Palin at a motorcycle rally in Washington, DC

''American scientific companies are cross-breeding humans and animals and coming up with mice with fully functioning human brains.'' - Tea Party whack-job Christine O'Donnell

"It sounds funny, but you need to be paying more for your health care." - newly elected Kentucky Senator and Tea Party whack-off Rand Paul

''We're on to them; we're on to this gangster government.'' - Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-Minnesota)

''The reforms we seek would bring greater competition, choice, savings and inefficiencies to our health care system.'' - president Barack Obama

"I miss being pampered." - former president Boy George Bush, reflecting on his years as president of the U.S.

And the Grand Poo Ba's personal favorites from the last two years- 

 “George W. Bush did a incredible job in the presidency, defending us from freedom..." - Texas governor Good-Hair Rick Perry

''If you don't hold us accountable, we'll do some real bad things in Washington, D.C.'' - Sen. John Ensign (R-Nevada)

Proving once again that every once in a great while the truth manages to slip out of the mouth of even the most stubborn among The Kingdom's only native criminal class...

Presidential Poor Bastard Rick Perry's Campaign May Be Close To Imploding...

Almost before it managed to get up a head of steam, Poor Bastard Rick Perry's presidential career seems to have skidded off the runway in spectacular fashion. In the 30 short days since the Grand Poo Ba began his sabbatical from the trenches of class warfare among the minions throughout The Kingdom of the Poor Bastard, Governor Good-Hair seems to have entered a self-destruct mode that would make any self-respecting Texan proud!

Presidential Poor Bastard Good-Hair Rick Perry, seen here declaring the social security system to be a "Ponzi scheme", has been back-peddling at almost every turn in the road as he finds himself having to defend one preposterous statement after another....

Note the aspiring presidential hopeful does appear to respond correctly when asked to hold up one finger...






In August Governor Good-Hair came under attack from the likes of Karl Rove, the Fat Bastard political hack from Boy George Bush's illegitimate presidential administration, when Big Rick informed the great unwashed that global warming was "a scientific theory that has not been proven and from my perspective is more and more being put into question." 

Now this comes from a Broke-Dick Poor Bastard who subsequently called on fellow Poor Bastards to "pray for rain" as a solution to the epic drought conditions which have plagued Governor Good-Hair's own state of Texas for several years with no end in sight!

Big Rick's rising star, which at one time was only eclipsed by his Texas-sized campaign war chest, could now be more aptly described as a "falling star" after the story broke over the weekend that Perry and his Poor Bastard father have maintained a family hunting camp for years which had been dubbed "Niggerhead" somewhere along the way...in what we can only assume was some sort of folksy Texas-Style Poor Bastard attempt at humor?

Governor Good-Hair responds to allegations that his family hunting camp was for years known by the name camp Niggerhead...and again demonstrates that he can count to one...








With Poor Bastards like this running for public office is it any wonder that The Kingdom of the Poor Bastard appears to be a snowball headed for hell?

Grand Poo Ba Will Be Returning Soon....

The Grand Poo Ba has been on an extended sabbatical for the last month while attending to personal and business matters in various far off locations.

The High Council of the Fraternal Order of the Poor Bastard and the editorial board at The Poor Bastard's Gazette are pleased to report that the Grand Poo Ba has returned to his post as chief cook and bottle washer at The Gazette; and will resume his duties as editor and social critic of that great American pantheon known as The Kingdom of the Poor Bastard within the next week.

During his absence numerous alleged sightings of the Grand Poo Ba were reported to the High Council by followers of the Poor Bastard's Gazette.

In an effort to set the record straight the editorial staff would like to dispel rumors that any of the following are actual pictures of the Grand Poo Ba...

There is absolutely no truth to the rumor that this is a picture of the Grand Poo Ba enjoying some R&R at Lake Havasu, AZ...

Nor is it true that this is the Grand Poo Ba attending the 2011 revival of Lilith Fair...

Kiwi Poor Bastard Dies During New Zealand Bound Flight...

The AFP news agency (a European version of the Associated Press) is reporting that a 31 year-old New Zealand native has died during a flight from Singapore to the New Zealand city where the Unfortunate Poor Bastard had lived.

Witnesses said the man had been watching an in-flight movie and appeared to be laughing, when in fact he was apparently choking to death. Passengers seated close by said the Poor Bastard's lips began to turn purple as a doctor and two nurses who were on-board the plane attempted render aid....According to reports filed by the New Zealand Herald the incident occurred 90 minutes into the 11 hour flight.

After the Unfortunate Poor Bastard was pronounced dead his body was moved to a curtained off crew area where his girlfriend and traveling companion, Vanessa Preechakul, was allowed to sit with him for the duration of the flight!....

......Huh?

The airline announced afterward that passengers "sitting nearby" would be offered a discount on future travel, but declined to specify the amount of the discount...Later reports indicated that the inconvenienced Poor Bastard passengers were given vouchers worth $100 New Zealand dollars...or approximately $84USD!

Meanwhile, in other news around and about the Kingdom of the Poor Bastard...across the Pond the Reuters news agency is reporting that a recently released study has found that 40% of all European Poor Bastards are mentally ill, making mental disorders "Europe's largest health care challenge of the 21st century..." according to the study's authors.....

Leading the Grand Poo Ba to conclude that if 40% of the population of Europe is mentally ill, then the high percentage of mental cases among the Poor Bastards in the good 'ol United States Congress shouldn't be considered that alarming in the total scheme of things!

Hang 'Em High Rick Perry Emerges As Leading Presidential Contender...

After years of abuse at the hands of what Mark Twain called the only "distinctly native American criminal class....." in The Kingdom of the Poor Bastard (i.e. Congress); it appears that Poor Bastards throughout the realm have finally had enough!

The Associated Press is reporting that the Congressional Quarterly-Roll Call - which keeps track of such things - has indicated federal lawmakers attended at least 150 fewer town hall meetings over the summer of 2011 than in past years, due to "organized, often raucous confrontations at political events" within their home districts....

Of course followers of The Poor Bastard's Gazette know full well that many of the malingering, criminal misfits we call political leaders are simply too busy out chasing porn stars, whores and strippers, or hustling gay sex partners in airport bathrooms, to be able to bother with attending a face to face meeting with their constituents....
 
And the Degenerate Poor Bastards who aren't out chasing whores and strippers and gay sex partners are most likely sitting in front of a mirror snapping pictures of their congressional wiener so they can share the love with all of their friends and admirers on Facebook, Tweeter and Craigslist!

Meanwhile back at the ranch while nobody was tending the store, we find that something called the "Tea Party" has hijacked the U.S. Congress and in the process destroyed any sense of rational discourse within the political dialogue of The Kingdom!

And with the 2012 Presidential election just over a year away, Poor Bastards throughout the realm recently awoke to learn that the Great State of Texas is once again planning to dump its political garbage on the rest of The Kingdom in the form of current Governor Good-Hair Rick Perry.....

Texas Governor and republican party presidential contender Big Rick Perry is seen here demonstrating how he likes to deal with unruly crowds at town hall meetings...



Although a late-comer to the republican party's efforts to unseat Barack Obla-bla-bama, Big Rick, with his oil-soaked war chest, is now reportedly the front-runner for the GOP nomination, in what appears to be shaping up as a rerun of the meteoric rise of the last Lone Star Gubernatorial Embarrassment in the form of Boy George Bush who, like Big Rick was swept onto The Kingdom's political stage with the help of several hundred million dollars of his Texas cronies filthy lucre...

Big Rick, who has admitted that his idea of fun during his college days at Texas Tech, was setting off M-80 firecrackers under the toilet where his frat buddies were parked for their morning constitutional, is also reported to enjoy going out for a morning jog packing a six-shooter and a can of hairspray to help manage his carefully sculpted coiffure.....

Praise The Lord and Pass The Ammunition....it's going to be quite a ride!