The Grand Poo Ba has rated the Poor Bastard's Misery Index for first week of July at Extremely Miserable for the geographic area extending from Phoenix, AZ east, through the Great State of Texas and into the Southeastern Gulf Coast states, stopping just short of Florida....
Not that Florida hasn't experienced its share of hot weather this summer, but given the fact that the Sunshine State is generally a more miserable place to be in the summer months than any other time of year, it hasn't yet reached the point where conditions are any more miserable than they normally are in July!
In addition to setting a record high temperature last week with a reading of 120 degrees in the shade, Phoenix, AZ also carries the distinction of having been hit by a 1930's dust bowl-like storm which darkened the skies and covered the Valley of the Sun in an apocalyptic black cloud of dust and sand in a scene reminiscent of depression-era Oklahoma...
The map below provides a visual example of the Poor Bastard's Misery Index and the impact of the heat wave which has gripped parts of the Kingdom since early June...Note the areas of intense heat in dark orange, where conditions may be approaching Ridiculously F-ing Miserable!
Charles Ray Harper, a native son of the Great State of Texas and the holder of a lifetime chair on the High Council of the Fraternal Order of the Poor Bastard reported this past week that the temperature reading in the backyard of his Ft. Worth home was 93 degrees at 10:00 PM, but the temperature inside his home was pushing 100!
When the Grand Poo Ba asked if he had an air-conditioner he replied in the affirmative, but stated that he was afraid to install it in his bedroom window for fear that a fellow Poor Bastard in the neighborhood might steal it!
Proving once again that when you are a Poor Bastard there is very little you can do to alleviate the situation...
Enraged Poor Bastards....
Meanwhile, as the Kingdom endures another insufferable summer of 100+ degree temperatures, Poor Bastards throughout the realm were rocked by the not guilty verdict in the made-for-TV murder trial of Casey Anthony; the Florida woman who had been charged with murdering her 2-year old daughter and had already been convicted in the court of public opinion presided over by the Lord High Executioner and Poor Bastardette Nancy Grace!
Grace, for those of you who may be living beyond the reach of cable wonderland television, is the bellicose and melodramatic cable television show host and self-appointed protector of little white children who go missing or otherwise end up the victims of a heinous criminal act.
The former Fulton County, GA special prosecutor earned her Poor Bastard Stripe as a result of her "hang 'em first and ask questions later" legal philosophy which led to condemnation by the Georgia Supreme Court on at least two occasions in which the High Court threw out convictions won by Grace because of prosecutorial misconduct.
From her bully-pulpit as the host of a cable television "news" program Grace had been conducting a virtual witch-hunt against Casey Anthony from the minute her name was mentioned as a possible suspect in the disappearance of her daughter....
Not that the Self Absorbed Poor Bastardette Casey Anthony is deserving of any particular sympathy, but let's face it.....maybe there is a reason why this jury found her not guilty?...
....Could it possibly be the Poor Bastards in the Orlando, FL police department and the D.A.'s office simply didn't prove their case?
Apparently not from the point of view of Her Majesty and Poor Bastardette Nancy Grace....who is seen here announcing to the world that "there is no way the Casey Anthony verdict speaks the truth!"
All righty then.....I guess the next time all we need to do is check in with Nancy to get the "truth".....
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