Friday, January 20, 2012

Whiskey: A Matter Of Principle!

The Poor Bastard's Gazette Joke of The Week once again comes to us from Gary (Studs) Nebgen, a lifelong resident of The Great State of Texas...And while it isn't really a "joke" in the classic sense of the word, it is, none-the-less, classic Poor Bastard Logic in every sense of the meaning!


Gary is a native son of the Texas Hill Country and one of the Original Poor Bastards, who has been one of the Grand Poo Ba's longstanding sidekicks and drinking buddies for the better part of 40 years....

And if I might say so myself, I think ol' Studs Nebgen has outdone himself this time!


WHISKEY

In 1952, Armon M. Sweat, Jr., a member of the Texas House of Representatives, was asked about his position on whiskey. What follows is his exact answer (taken from the Political Archives of Texas):

"If you mean whiskey, the devil's brew, the poison scourge, the bloody monster that defiles innocence, dethrones reason, destroys the home, creates misery and poverty, yea, literally takes the bread from the mouths of little children; if you mean that evil drink that topples Christian men and women from the pinnacles of righteous and gracious living into the bottomless pit of degradation, shame, despair, helplessness, and hopelessness, then, my friend, I am opposed to it with every fiber of my being.

However, if by whiskey you mean the lubricant of conversation, the philosophic juice, the elixir of life, the liquid that is consumed when good fellows get together, that puts a song in their hearts and the warm glow of contentment in their eyes; if you mean Christmas cheer, the stimulating sip that puts a little spring in the step of an elderly gentleman on a frosty morning; if you mean that drink that enables man to magnify his joy, and to forget life's great tragedies and heartbreaks and sorrow; if you mean that drink the sale of which pours into our treasuries untold millions of dollars each year, that provides tender care for our little crippled children, our blind, our deaf, our dumb, our pitifully aged and infirm, to build the finest highways, hospitals, universities, and community colleges in this nation, then my friend, I am absolutely, unequivocally in favor of it.

This is my position, and as always, I refuse to compromise on matters of principle."

You have to admit they just don't make Poor Bastards like Armon Sweat, Jr. anymore!

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